I’m out.
Posted by Paul | Filed under Comedy, TV
Before we begin, it’s just been announced that, amongst others, Ian McDiarmid is to star in “a
BBC2 drama about Margaret Thatcher’s final days in office…as the men
‘who loved her and those who betrayed her’…McDiarmid, Emperor Palpatine
in Star Wars, will play Denis Thatcher;”. I wonder what kind of message
they’re trying to send out? Ach, that makes me sound like one of these
‘Biased BBC’ bloggers, which I’m glad to say, is further from the truth
than you could ever imagine. Besides…
All hail the return of Dragons’ Den. As I’m obliged to point out, it’s not the Apprentice (copyright every other review of Dragons’ Den ever). Indeed, it’s more in the Pop Idol vein. I won’t bother to explain the format, you can watch the latest episode here. The main reason for tuning in for the first of the new series, is to discover the answers to the following questions:
1. Does each episode stick to the ‘traditional’ (see also:
‘tired’) format of two winners per episode, with the final competitors
always reaching a deal? In short, yes. Although it’s an
entertaining show, I think that there’s a noticeable pattern to each
episode, as explained above. There was a slight twist this week, with a
deal being reached so early in the show, but it tends to ruin one of
the main ‘hooks’ of the programme if you know that all the ‘quick’ parts won’t get a deal, and the last contestants always
get a deal. I’m sure that the programme-makers spend a great deal of
time working on the ‘narrative’ of each episode, but perhaps the
pattern that emerged in the first couple of series, and has grown stale
over the last series, should be changed? How about stretching the
narrative over a series, so that the ‘wins’ are spread throughout the
series, rather than throughout each episode? Of course, this may well
be what they’re doing already, and I just haven’t been paying enough
attention, but I think it’s still true to say that a definite pattern
to each episode has been established, which can lessen the enjoyment of the show.
2. Are contestants seriously seeking deals, or do they just want exposure?
For the majority, it’s still the former, but it’s undeniable that
merely by making an appearance on the show (preferably one that lasts
more than 30 seconds), contestants will reach an audience of between 3-4 million,
thereby gaining a great deal more exposure than would come from their
planned marketing budgets. Case in point, the first contestants on this
week’s episode, Hamfatter
(crazy name, crazee guys, as Private Eye might say). By playing their
material on a national broadcast, with a much wider audience than would
be able to go to one of their gigs, they’ve raised their profile
considerably.
2a. An aside - on the topic of bands making money in the current
entertainment world - a couple of recent articles highlighting the
changing landscape of the market - Last.fm wants to give money to unsigned acts, and some good points made (in another aside) about how most bands now make their money from performances,
rather than releasing music. To me, this kind of makes sense, just as I
can see the television industry changing (more on which, another time),
it could be argued that listening to music is a form of ‘passive’
activity that could/should be free, whereas seeing the band in question
putting in the effort and performing live before your eyes, is
a more active and personalised activity, which is where the real value
to the consumer lies…Anyway, back to the Den..
3. Has anyone ever been to (or even seen) a Bannatyne’s Gym?
Given that we’re repeatedly told that this is how the ‘lovable’ grumpy
Scotsman made his fortune, why is it that I’ve only ever seen one of his gyms, in Central London? Ignore the fact that I don’t go looking for gyms in my spare time, but still…and mention of Mr. Bannatyne also leads me to ask..
4. Has the number of Duncan Bannatyne’s Dragons’ Den investments reached single figures yet? I’m exaggerating, but having watched for at least three years, I’m pretty sure he’s only invested in one, possibly
two ventures. I’d be happy to be proved wrong. However, it does bring
me on to the way in which several of the Dragons now have defined
catchprases or personality traits:
Duncan Bannatyne - “You’re rubbish, your idea is
terrible, I’m out.” Usually heard 10 seconds after the contestants’
initial pitch. Also usually heard 50 times per episode.
Theo Paphitis - Must ensure a mention of his house, his children, their education, and especially ‘Mrs. P’ at least three times per episode.
Deborah Meaden - Guaranteed to be shocked and seem
morally and personally offended by one contestant per episode.
Especially if the contestant is female.
Peter Jones - WARNING: Do not wear anything
other than a suit, shirt and tie in this man’s presence. For your own
sake. I can see where he’s coming from, but there was at least one
contestant last series (something to do with alternative eco-friendly
fuels or summat) who dared to wear something different, and this then
descended into a slanging match based mainly on attire, rather than the
merits of business ideas - uncomfortable viewing…
James Caan - No, not that one (again, copyright every Dragons’ Den review ever). Despite the first episode of the new series running against the grain of established wisdom, James Caan always
makes an offer. For anything. At all. Maybe because he’s in the seat in
which the Dragon gets replaced most often - perhaps the producers are
forcing quotas on him?
5. (Almost there) Can we hear more from the Dragons?
Not of their puns, which now seem to be a competition between Theo and
Peter to send the contestants packing in the least amusing way
possible, but given that the show is ostensibly a ‘business
ideas/advice’ show, I’d like to see more feedback from the Dragons.
Sometimes the most interesting parts are when they don’t sit there and
slag off contestants, nor do they make offers, but instead they give
out sensible advice. We get ‘after the pitch’ interviews with Evan
Davies and the contestants, but can we have, dare I mention it,
Apprentice or Weakest Link style interviews with the Dragons’, saying why they made their decision, and what could have been better?
6. Finally, who on earth thought shaky-cam would be a good idea? Is early-to-mid-90s ‘MTV’ or Wayne’s World ‘Extreeeeeme-close up!’ camera work back in fashion?